Sunday, May 3, 2009 @ 9:15 PM
*
i'm looking back now,
i realised i was just trying to be someone else.
everything i've done, every particle of energy i channelled into changing myself,
into a monster that i don't even recognise.
futile efforts, everyone of them.
i never wanted to stay the same old me.
the joyful expressions on all of your faces,
the kind intentions,the gentle voice,
the precious friendships sail to you in your hour of need,
yet that tinge of green, that evil bubble of jealousy reared its ugly head
and i asked myself,
why couldn't you just leave it,
and open your heart.
face it,chinghun,
just what is the problem?
she treated you well,
she was there every moment of your need,
yet you weren't there for her,
yet you took her for granted,
yet you hurt her,
uncountable times.
i'm looking back now,
the times you were there for me,
as i search through the memories,
i find this scene disturbingly familiar.
you're holding me now,
not bothering if i sob uncontrollably,
you're like a beacon of light,
in this dark,dark,sea of despair.
you're holding me now,
not bothering if it makes me weaker to your love than i am,
it's all my fault,
and your love is what stops me from collapsing.
you're holding me now,
forever,
because i just want to be here,
opening my heart to you.
i'm looking back now,
yet all i see are
a dump of problems,
following me
unfulfilled promises,
unable to leave my mouth
regrets,
that are clenched in my fist
sadness,
that looks beautiful.
here are my confessions and,
what i just wanna say is:
please try to forgive me.
